"You must picture me alone in that room in Magdalen, night after night, feeling, whenever my mind lifted even for a second from my work, the steady, unrelenting approach of Him whom I so earnestly desired not to meet. That which I greatly feared had at last come upon me. In the Trinity Term of 1929 I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all England."
Surprised By Joy
It is not hard to see from his account of his life in the early chapters, how Lewis was able to have such a clear grasp of Philosophy/Theology to come to this point, and reading this book makes me mourn the lost of the culture Lewis grew up in, when reading books -in particular what we ignorantly now call 'the classics' without any idea what they are (I speak for non-English Lit students!)-, learning Greek and Latin, reading and knowing Plato, Homer and a whole trail of ancient writers, not only in English, but the original, as Lewis did with the 'Great Knock' around chapter 9. Surely we have lost a great deal in this day and age with such learning replaced with Gameboys and televisions.
The main theme, or to be more accurate -'thread'- throughout the book is his 'experience' and search -that is "enjoyment" & "contemplation" (Pg 174)- of 'Joy'. Instead of reviewing it any further though -you may aswell go and buy it on the cheap from Amazon or somewhere like I did. Instead there a few things I wish to comment upon after reading this and having my mindset turning...
One relates closely to what Lewis' purpose is in writing this: Joy, and how it is found.Lewis throughout the story (please do read it for yourselves to fully understand what he means by 'Joy') discovers that:
"Only when your whole attention and desire are fixed on something else -whether a distant mountain, or the past, or the gods of Asgard -does this 'thrill' arise. It is a by-product. Its very existance presupposes that you desire not it but something other and outer"
Pg 136
Joy is a 'by-product' of seeking something else. It will not come if we seek the thing itself. We won't find it if is the very thing we pursue. When you are completely unaware or unconcerned by attaining it, focusing instead upon "something other and outer".
Now, again, Lewis describes the siginificance of this further in the book. But what strikes me about this point, this observation of pursuit of a thing, is that it seems (as far as I can tell, while also being aware of the over-simplicity of such analogies) that this is very similar to our own relationship with God and our experience of Him. We so often search for an 'experience' of God, going to church, praying and worshipping through music/singing, and want to 'feel' God's presence, or somehow 'experience' Him. I struggle to find the words to describe what we look for, but maybe you know know what I mean. This experience of God is not a bad thing -God in his gracious nature does give us this, gives us the Holy Spirit. I won't go into examples now, but again I'm sure you get my side-point. But in my own past, and through talking with and observing others, this is what happens. We want to get this feeling from interaction with God and church, and without realising this becomes our aim each week or even day, and when -unsurprisingly- we don't find it often, and increasingly less so, we find ourselves struggling with our faith. People I have recently talked this through with seriously doubt their faith, and worry they have completely backslidden. There are of course many reasons and other helpful advice that comes with this, but Lewis gives us a extremely helpful insight into how we can avoid this -one I myself have unconciously taken at some point in my last four years of seriously persuing God.
The only ways we will 'experience' God are firstly- by God's grace, unconditional on our spiritual condition. Secondly, which comes from Lewis' observations, if we persue God himself, and not any experience of our own or benefit for ourselves.
"I have never seen how a preoccupation with that subject at the outset could fail to corrupt the whole thing. I have been brought up to believe that goodness was goodness only if it were disinterested, and that any hope of reward or fear of punishment contaminated the will"
Pg 185
Lewis laments the fact that so often a faith is shipwrecked by a preoccupation with a reward, namely that of Heaven, or 'experience'. If we want an 'experience' of God, then we shouldn't go looking for that, in the same way that Lewis writes we cannot find Joy if that is what we are seeking -it is merely a sign post to something better. We need to focus ourselves entirely on God's glory, not our pleasure. We need to worship Him in church not with the thought in our mind we might feel good if we do. We need to read our Bible cover to cover, not just looking for verses that talk about about experiencing God, looking to pursue holiness in all areas. If you are struggling with a lack of 'experience' of God, then leave this worry behind and seek to glorify Him more and more in your worship of Him, and don't worry about yourself. He will take of that.
It's kind of like this...
"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
Matthew 6:33
Jesus says it best as always. If we seek Him first, His glory, His way in our life without regard for ourselves, then He of course will pour out blessings upon us. If we want closeness with Him, we must seek Him entirely, not anything for ourselves. We know that He is gracious, so surely we can do this with confidence!
Thats what the Bible does tell us, God is gracious, longing to bless us and to gloryfy himself, and point to and admire our great Heavenly Father.
1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
3 He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23
